Hello! My Name is Justin
March 5, 2010 in Website News by Justin Goldstein
While I was born into a home with two Jewish parents, I consider myself a Jew by choice. Even from the beginning of constructing my Jewish identity, it came from within and not from any overt influence of my parents. I learned to read torah and haftarah with a local rabbi of an unafilliated synagogue in suburban Chicago at my own behest at age 12. My parents, having given me the choice at age 8 as to whether or not I wanted to attend Hebrew School (guess what I chose…) never belonged to a synagogue or practiced any rituals aside from the large family gatherings of Rosh HaShanah dinners, Yom Kippur break fasts (although no one ever fasted), Passover seders and Hannukah candles. I don’t remember speaking of Israel until the Gulf War in 1991 when my sister explained to me that despite being a tiny country they are quite powerful (which I did not believe at the time). By age 18 I had become a bar mitzvah on Masada in Israel, spent two consecutive summers in Israel, learned to read and speak a little Hebrew, learned to pray and put on tefillin and had immersed myself into the history, culture and traditions of the Jewish people. By age 20 I was a firm-footed Atheist and a proud and loud Zionist. Little did I know what life had in store for me.
At age 20 I met the woman I am now married to, Danielle. The two of us fell in love in storybook fashion, it was truly love at first sight. Three or four days after we were introduced I remember having a conversation with her where she said something to the effect of, “this relationship isn’t going to work.” I was dumbfounded. The happiest three days of my life, while I was having visions of growing old with this woman, she was ready to end it before it started. “Why would you say that? I thought this was going great.” Or something to the effect must have been what I said. I will never forget what she said next, “Maybe not now, but one day you’re going to want me to convert and I don’t know if I’ll want to do that.” As I remember it correctly, I laughed at her and said “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” You must know, not only was I an Atheist, but I found Judaism particularly silly and off-putting (as any good secular Zionist should, in my mind at that time). In retrospect, this is just one of the many examples where she knew exactly what she was talking about and it was I who was seeing things through a dim lens. She did convert, and it was a beautiful and exciting experience in many regards and at the same time a painful and exacting experience. Perhaps that is the way it is designed to be. Our experience is a unique one, and that is certainly true for every individual who goes through the conversion process and their loved ones who surround them. I think I can speak for both of us confidently when I say, neither of us were completely the same once the conversion process was complete.
Ultimately, conversion is about the process of change. One is not changing themselves, but rather their identity. Rituals and laws aside, the notion of ‘conversion’ is, in my opinion, an inadequate or, at best, a misleading terms in the context of the Jewish tradition. The word, ‘to convert,’ in the Jewish tradition is להתגייר (l’hit-ga’yer) which comes from the word גור, a sojourner. Literally, what we translate as ‘to convert’ actually means ‘to cause oneself to sojourn.’ Rather than ‘converting to Judaism,’ one is joining the Jewish people. Or, as my rabbi phrases it, “accepting the fate of the Jewish people as your own.” And like any other identity one has in their life, the evolution and adaptation of new habits and practices and beliefs is a process without a start and end. And as I have experienced in my own life very plainly and clearly nearly every step of the way, we never know the journey that process is going to take us on.
My own journey (to leave out many details and experiences) has led me to soon have the privilege and responsibility of the title of ‘rabbi,’ (not yet, but not far off). I am really excited to see this on-line community growing and providing support, resources, ideas and perspectives with one another. It is an important resource for the entire Jewish people and any person who is interested in the Jewish tradition. I hope to be an active part of the community and avail myself as a resource (and not an authority, by any means) any way I am able.
In the near future you can expect to see me sharing thoughts on Torah, Jewish law, mysticism, social justice and life. I think it’s safe to say, and those who know me would agree, that I am not your most typical rabbi. So, some of the things you may read or hear from me may come across as surprising or somehow atypical of what one might hear from another rabbi. I do not want any of my words or views to be taken as representative of any institution to which I am affiliated (and I think they’d appreciate that distance). If you’d like to read me elsewhere you can find my occasionally contributing on Jewschool.com and you can see my old, now inactive, blog at pardesyehuda.blogspot.com. I look forward to learning with you and from you and want to thank you for the opportunity.
a good shabbos to all