I am on the path to conversion by my own personal choice. I recently met a really great guy, who is a Persian Jew. We had a great relationship for the past four months but he recently told me he could never marry a convert because it would be important for his children to identify with their grandparents, cousins, etc. Also he feels that a converted mother would set the example that it is ok to leave the faith provided by their family. Are there any other converts who know or have insight into whether it will be difficult to find a born Jew willing to start a life with a convert?
About this topic
- Posted by danigirl16 1 year ago. There are 11 posts. The latest reply is from Lyly.
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I don't have an answer but I must say that-that is a very hutful and awful thing to say. If he thinks in that way and you are dating to find a husband then perhaps he is not the one for you. Sorry for the advice giving. I guess reading that hurt my feelings and, I am not even in the relationship, so I cant even imagine how that made you feel :(
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Wow, I can't imagine anyone saying something like that! Then again, perhaps it has to do with which denomination he affiliates with?
Anyway, in the Reform movement, there are lots of converts, both married and single. You wouldn't be the least bit unusual in my neck of the woods.
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Certain communities within the Jewish world are more insular than others, and some born-Jews are less comfortable than others with conversion. While the guy you describe may not be comfortable marrying a convert for the reasons he states, there are plenty of Jewish men who are perfectly willing to marry a convert. Don't forget, men and women have historically converted in order to marry Jews.
The reasons you state for his discomfort are real, but cut both ways. I don't belong to the same religion as my mother, but neither does my ba'al teshuva husband relate at all to his secular Jewish parents in a religious way. It took a lot of time and water under the bridge for our families to get over our choices, but it happened. My kids love their grandparents and are adored by them in return. They have a wonderful time with both sides of the family, since religion is only a part of who we all are.
As for setting a precedent of leaving the religion of one's parents, that's something converts should be honest about with their children. Mine ask me about my conversion a lot, and I answer them honestly (and age-appropriately). They are proud to be Jewish and probably always will be. I doubt there are any higher statistics for children of converts leaving Judaism than for children of born-Jews. If anything, I suspect the opposite since someone who chose a faith out of desire and conviction may be a more compelling example than someone who was born into the religion and does it because it's what he or she was born to do.
Jewish law states that one must love the convert. Unfortunately, it feels as though born-Jews don't always know how to do this, and end up treating us as second class or suspicious characters. Keep looking though---there are plenty of great ones out there who will appreciate you for who you are and for what you've done.
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Seems like a hypocrite. Then why was he dating you in the first place?
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Hey guys,
Thanks for your input. It has been a couple of days now and I have convinced myself of the fact that he is not the right guy for me, with your help of course. I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I think he will be missing out on one of the greatest things in his life by not opening his mind a little more...you guys were great help!
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Glad to know we helped :)I hope you find someone great :)
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Has anyone had any experience with "born-Jews" who are secular, Reform, or Conservative and their attitudes toward converts? Do most of them view gerim as full Jews in terms of being marriable? I'm talking about laypeople of course, as I'm sure rabbis don't make the distinction except Orthodox ones where a kohen is involved.
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My husband was born Jewish and secular. He married me. I converted years later. :shrug:
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re: brad.burrows
Avi? I think we have a spammer. -
My girlfriend was born Jewish (Reform) and seems fine with my (eventually) being a convert. As others have said, it seems to depend on the person as well as the community.
