Jewish Education and My Thoughts on Pulling the Plug - Partially
Hi all,
My family and I just returned from a week at the cabin, where we spent lots of time playing together, walking in the woods, fishing, and doing the other sorts of things people in Northern Minnesota do for relaxation in the summer. We came back home just in time for the beginning of 2nd grade for my oldest daughter, kindergarten for the middle one, and synagogue-based religious school for both starting up again this coming Sunday. My oldest is also at the age to start Hebrew school, which meets every Monday and Wednesday evening about 30 miles away. While I have assumed for several years that our location in another city, and the fact that I serve as a shliach tzibbur and baal koreh in my shul (occasional prayer leader and regular Torah and Haftarah leyner), meant I would teach them Hebrew and trope myself. But I am also having second thoughts about religious school.
I read an article a couple of years ago by Beliefnet.com founder Steven Waldman on why he decided to take over the responsibility of providing his children with a Jewish education. I looked at it again recently, and I have to say that much of what he said resonated with me. Gamara Kiddushin 29A suggests that a father should teach his son Torah (among other things, including a trade, and to swim). I like the idea of parents teaching their children, and not just a few basic things, but how to live a Jewish life. If Jewish parents have the knowledge and the skills to teach their children how to practice Judaism, and about Jewish texts, history, and the Hebrew language, is it so wrong for them to do so in lieu of enrolling their children in synagogue-based education? If we lived near a Conservative day school, I’d enroll my daughters in it without a doubt. But we don’t, and the level of the Jewish education in my shul, as with most Reform-heavy shuls, is not as high as I’d like. My daughters wouldn’t really learn modern Hebrew there, and given the last couple of years of experience, won’t learn anything I can’t teach them.
On the other hand, socialization with other Jewish kids is really important, and religious school is one place where this happens. I certainly don’t want my daughters to grow up thinking of Judaism as something of interest to nobody younger than their father. But then I also think about the role Jewish camps can play in forming strong Jewish identities in young people, and how many people who thought religious school was absolute drudgery have very fond memories of Jewish camp. And maybe it’s even more important that my daughters come with me to synagogue on a very regular basis. They are in the services, and they play with the handful of other kids present. And we light Shabbat candles and do Havdalah every week, we build a sukkah in our back yard, we have mezuzot, they see me laying tefillin and davening frequently. We read Jewish books together, and I try to explain things to them. Does this provide something to them that is maybe even more valuable than religious school? I lean toward answering in the affirmative at this point, and I have to believe that kids with such exposure will have stronger Jewish identities than kids who are in religious school, but who see nothing Jewish happening at home.
What are you thoughts on this? Do any of you have experiences that relate?
kol tuv,
Yair
Hi Yair,
I’m recovering from my first day back at work so this might be short.
I can totally relate and I think you make both points well. On one hand, kids socialize with their local Jewish kids through Hebrew school. However, that didn’t really happen with me so much. As you know, I went to Jewish camp and it is, to this day, a VERY meaningful time in my life. I didn’t get daily Jewish at home. Sure, we had symbols around, but we didn’t always light candles. We did the basics that reform families do. I think that if my parents were more daily practicers then we wouldn’t have so much intermarriage and stuff.
So, I don’t have an answer. I don’t think there is a clear answer to this one. I definitely think it can’t hurt to have structured Hebrew school and then get the reinforcement and examples from home.
This is a really relevant post, Yair, and one which I’m sure many Jewish families in non-urban settings confront.
My experience of learning about Judaism only outside the home sent me the message that Judaism is something other people do, but not my family. (Bad message.) To learn about it only inside the home is more promising (I know several highly educated Orthodox Jews who found themselves living with their families in very isolated locations at times, and yet still firmly identified throughout life as Jews), though that can impart the message that Judaism is something only MY family does.
I think you actually do most of the required thinking in your post: Consider religious school and Jewish “home schooling” as complementary. While the quality of religious school may be far below what you’re able to give your girls, sending them out for schooling that (to some extent) mirrors what you do at home imparts the message that Judaism is something we do in every facet of our lives. Only to educate them at home and not out of the house may be sufficient to give them a firm grounding in Torah and Jewish practice, but to participate in shul and children’s activities also lets them know that they are part of a wider community, whatever the level of observance. And by giving them a strong background in Hebrew at home (I’d punt the 30-mile-away Hebrew school option in favor of this), as well as sharing what you learn of the Torah and teaching them the hows and whys of Jewish practice, they will have a strong sense of themselves as people who apply what they learn in living Jewish lives. In short, I think Judaism is best learned both inside and outside the home.
Family traditions and values of Judaism, in the home environment, are extremely important, in my opinion. If one goes to religious camp or religious school, they are receiving external reinforcement (not to say it is a negative thing). If they are in a home environment that embraces traditions (Shabbat, High Holy Days, Celebrations, Holidays, etc., then they are building the foundations that lead to the stepping stones of Judaism.
This includes reading, playing games, music, movies, family involvement, all in a loving atmosphere.
I feel the home environment can foster more awareness, and bring your children the feeling of a Jewish home, that they can carry forward into their own futures.
Thanks to all of you who have replied so far. This is a tough decision for sure, and a really important one. While I get the points made by both Tamara and Shimshonit - and obviously buy them at least in part, or this wouldn’t be a hard decision! - What Jew Wishes wrote really resonates with me. There can be no doubt for my daughters that we are Jews, given our home environment, and ultimately, that feels like the most important single asset, if you have to choose only one.
Shabbat shalom!
Yair
We struggle with this one too. Our eldest is now about to be five, and so far has been in non-Jewish pre-school and learning yiddishkeit at home (and is much more Jewishly educated than kids quite a bit older than her at Jewish schools). She has a really strong Jewish identity (OK - for a 5-year-old!) and is proud to know in depth about something that even her teachers at school don’t know - and I have gone in to school a couple of times to teach in assembly about Jewish festivals etc, which she likes. My husband thinks she needs more of a Jewish context (kind of what you said: Judaism shouldn’t just be what your mad family does at home) but the choices seem to be either a school where the rest of the families keep less than we do; or Chabad - where our standard of observance would be looked down on. Neither of which is healthy. So at the moment our provisional decision is that it is easier to explain why we do what we do in a non-Jewish context than trying to explain why we do what other Jews don’t; or don’t do what other Jews do! And there’s shul when we go into the city, and friends who are likeminded. I think at least until we decide if we’re going to go back to Israel that’s the way we keep it. Incidentally, as a Jew by Choice, I think it has been really important to me to say: yes, I’m quite capable of educating my children Jewishly. If they do eventually end up in Jewish schools, that’s something I really want to hold on to: I was kind of paranoid about them going to school and being told, explicitly or implicitly, that I wasn’t really good enough.
I really liked Nechama’s comments (as though anyone asked me!) and understand the hesitance JBCs might have about being qualified to teach their children about Judaism. And yet, when one considers how much more study we’ve done than the average Jew by birth, and the relatively high level of motivation we’ve shown in adopting Judaism, I think we’re a logical choice.
About schools and their habits in judging parents and the kids’ practices at home: that can happen anywhere. My impression is that Chabad is usually pretty good about not telling kids their parents are “doing it wrong” whereas I know of other haredi and modern Orthodox schools from which kids have come home and told their families that they were doing something wrong, and in both cases, their fathers were Orthodox rabbis! Those situations are usually over petty details, and the family is well within bounds to explain to kids that there are different customs, and to remind teachers, etc., of that fact when necessary.