JewsByChoice.Org

In the past couple of weeks here in Israel, several stories have broken in the press about severe child abuse, including one here in Beit Shemesh.  There is a fine old saying that “The Jews are just like everyone else, only more so.”  God forbid.  But unfortunately, spousal and child abuse do occur within the Jewish community, and it is up to the Jewish community to confront it and offer help, encouragement, and redress to those who have been hurt by it.  And fortunately, I have recently encountered two impressive forms of response to abuse.

The first of these is a message circulated by Rav Shlomo Aviner of Yeshivat Ateret Yerushalayim, located in the Old City of Jerusalem.  Rav Aviner, a well-known Israeli posek (rabbinic decisor), urges women and girls not to allow themselves to be abused by men in an essay entitled, “Don’t Let Him!”  His first paragraph hits hard:

Don’t let him abuse you. Whether you are a girl, a young woman or a woman – don’t let him. Whether you are single or married – don’t let him. Not verbally, not with “light” abuse and not with severe abuse. Do not freeze in place. Yell out loud so that everyone can hear you. If he touches you, slap him. If he tries to do worse and there is no choice – kill him. Yes, kill him. And it happened – a disgusting man burst into a young woman’s apartment and wanted to have his way with her, and she killed him. Based on the law that it is permissible to use reasonable force to protect oneself, the court of the State of Israel ruled that her reaction was certainly reasonable.

While killing may not be necessary in order to stop every abusive encounter, Rav Aviner’s heter (permission) to do so is grounded in the Torah, which affirms a Jew’s responsibility to defend her or his life if someone (a rodef) directly threatens it.  He encourages women and girls to seek help from women’s organizations, report abuse to the police, and not to allow threats or cajoling about the social or family position of the abuser to prevent her from seeking justice.  Even if the abuser is a family member or a supervisor at work, even if he has a wife and children, Rav Aviner states that reporting him “is a great act of righteousness which will have the effect of saving two things: Saving all of the future girls and young women who would suffer from him and saving this man from addition sins.”

Rav Aviner acknowledges that abusive people are to be found in “all strata of society: men from high socio-economic standing and low socio-economic standing; Secularists, Religious-Zionists and Charedim (ultra-orthodox); Askenazim, Sefardim, Yemenite and Ethiopian. It is logical that the evil inclination is not racist, choosy and does not have a political affiliation.”  But he also assures those who have been hurt by abuse, “not all men are like this, most are modest and gentle. And if you are not yet married, do not fear - you will find a gentle and pure man.”

Speaking of yelling out loud, the second response to abuse I was party to recently was a staff meeting of El HaLev (To the Heart) in Jerusalem.  It is a chapter of IMPACT/Model Mugging, a program which teaches women’s self defense, and has chapters all over the U.S. and Canada.  For those not familiar with this program, it teaches women to confront and repel verbal, physical, and sexual assault by fighting full-force to a knock-out (over 24 hours of instruction, divided into 5 classes).  The attackers are highly trained instructors who don 40 pounds of armor before the class begins and co-teach with the non-suited instructors to enable students to work through their freeze response and deliver enough carefully placed, powerful blows to the assailant to constitute a knock-out.  The women who created the Jerusalem chapter (I love saying that) trained in Chicago and have built one of the most impressive chapters I’ve ever seen.  Their space is a beautiful, expansive, luxurious suite of offices, locker rooms (with sauna and jacuzzi, thank you very much), large mat rooms where the classes are conducted, and more.  The staff is an impressive collection of dedicated men and women, including several women instructors (”whistles”) who teach the physical techniques, a group of well-trained female assistants, and at least 7 attacker/instructors (”suits”).  El HaLev teaches classes in several cities in Israel, to secular and religious women alike.  What is most unique about the program here is that while most of the suited instructors are men, three of the “suits” are women—almost unheard-of in American chapters.  This means that students who are shomrot negia (avoid touching men out of religious modesty) can still benefit from the course and learn to defend themselves.  And the best part of it all (for me, at least) is that, as a certified IMPACT instructor, I will (b’ezrat Hashem) have the great honor of joining this magnificent team as a “whistle.”

For those of you in the U.S. or Canada, you can access websites for Model Mugging or IMPACT which teach classes for women, teens, children, and a few teach men’s classes as well.  And El HaLev in Israel is here.

May we never know abuse, hurt, or sorrow