JewsByChoice.Org

Hi all,

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ethics of speech from a Torah perspective, and particularly, how they relate to disagreements among adherents to different streams of Judaism. From time to time these conversations happen on this blog, and they certainly happen elsewhere on the Jewish internet. Personally, this is an area for growth for me, and being under the assumption that not everyone who reads the blog has arrived at perfection in this area, I thought it might be worth a post.

I was recently reading in Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s A Code of Jewish Ethics, Volume 1: You Shall Be Holy, which is a great book, and I came across the following teachings, which I’ll comment on:

The iniquity of lashon hara derives in large part from its unfairness. By focusing on one or more negative aspects of a person, it causes those traits to become other people’s primary associations with the person.

We’ve all seen conversations in which labels like “Orthodoxy,” “The Orthodox,” “Reform Jews,” get used as bywords. We lump all people in those categories in to a single pile as though everyone who identifies with one of them is identical to everyone else in that camp. This is really unfair. But what is perhaps even worse is that when we throw these labels around, we all know what we mean. Lots of Orthodox folks see the word “Reform,” and they think of Jews who never go to shul, don’t observe Shabbat or kashrut, and who are going to ‘destroy Judaism’. When non-Orthodox Jews speak of Orthodoxy, they are often thinking of people who in their minds are intolerant, angry, hateful, and superstitious. In short, both often think of the other in negative caricature, and they apply that image to everyone in the other camp, whether or not they actually know anything about them as individuals.

This is libelous, no matter how much we think we are doing it for the sake of Torah and Judaism, and I am as guilty of it as anyone. And when we think of people this way, we are, as Rav Telushkin suggests, unable to see the good that they do. So, for all of the Orthodox folks who dismiss Reform Jews as disinterested and uncommitted to Judaism, you are missing the fact that tens of thousands of Reform households are places where Shabbat candles are lit every Friday night, sukkot are built, and children see Jewish practice and hear their parents talking about Judaism often. Likewise, non-Orthodox Jews who consider all Orthodox Jews intolerant are completely overlooking the fact that many, many people in Orthodoxy simply believe that Judaism in a very traditional context is so incredibly beautiful, and they deeply want as many Jews as possible to experience it - an admirable quality indeed.

I had a health class teacher in high school who had this policy of making people give “two ups” to a person she heard them say something negative about. While we rolled our eyes at the time, I think that it’s not a bad practice. To get you thinking a little bit, I’m going to do this now. I’ve written negative things about Reform and Orthodox Jews in my comments on this site, and so I’d like to share some things I admire greatly about each.

There is a lot of beauty in Orthodoxy. Orthodox Jews inspire me greatly with their frequent commitment to a high level of traditional education. They truly do preserve aspects of Judaism that the rest of us are not as good at. I have also found that many in the Orthodox world have a sense of ahavat Yisrael that is really powerful, and an example for us all. I particularly admire Modern Orthodoxy’s commitment to living as deeply as possible in both Jewish tradition and the modern world; I can’t imagine that this is an easy path to walk, but Modern Orthodox Jews give it an incredibly strong effort. Orthodox organizations also make Judaism available better than anyone. Whether through brick and mortar or internet presence, Orthodox institutions and groups make Jewish practice, study, and life approachable and accessible to more people than anyone else.

Reform Jews are committed to Judaism. Given their approach, it would be much easier to just assimilate completely and be done with it, but the ones to stick who it do so because in their hearts they are dedicated to Jewish thought, life, and continuity. Reform Judaism has welcomed many converts, who are typically very devout, and the range of perspectives available at a Reform synagogue’s Torah study opportunities is accordingly very large. Reform Jews have also done a brilliant job of underscoring the importance of the pursuit of justice on behalf of all people, not just Jews; this orientation is reinforced throughout the warp and woof of Jewish tradition, and Reform Jews live it better than almost anyone. The movement of Reform Jews toward greater practice of Jewish rituals is inspiring as well, and the current Reform movement is certainly something different than the stereotypes several generations in the making.

By damaging a person’s reputation, lashon hara reduces and undermines the ability of its victims to do good. That is why Jewish tradition regards the spreading of lashon hara about a rabbinic or any other worthy leader to be a particularly serious offense.

I’ve done this, and it is something I regret very much. While it is perfectly legitimate to disagree with rabbis or other Jewish leaders (seriously, two Jews, three opinions), to attack them personally is too easy to fall in to, particularly when one feels hurt or lessened by something they’ve said or taught. Whether it’s a non-Orthodox Jew rattling on about an Orthodox rabbi’s character based on a ruling against non-Orthodoxy, or Orthodox Jews being disrespectful to the point of dismissing a Reform rabbi’s commitment to Judaism based solely on his or her Reform orientation, ad hominem attacks are uncalled for, and are actually called against by Judaism. And, as it turns out, they’re also logically fallacious, and a rather poor way to argue a point. Thus, statements like “he’s just intolerant,” or “she just doesn’t care about Judaism,” are not only lashon hara, they actually suggest an inability to complete the original argument on a logical basis.

Lashon hara is a gratuitous act of wrongdoing…. the gossip’s primary motive is entirely negative: to cause another a loss of status or worse, without gaining any tangible benefit for himself (other than the feeling that his status has been raised by lowering that of the other). Since the gossip’s behavior cannot be attributed to giving in to a base but self-serving instinct, it is, in a certain way, worse than a conventional sin, a sort of evil for evil’s sake

Ridiculing or denigrating others for not conforming to our vision of how people should behave [or think?] reinforces a gossip’s sense of superiority. Thus a gossip is rarely humble. And humility, as we know from the Torah’s description of Moses (Numbers 12:3), is an important quality to possess.
I thought that Rav Telushkin’s comments here went well together. Lashon hara is, according to him, 1) utterly evil based on its negativity for no particular purpose other than self-inflation, and 2) an indicator of a lack of humility. Think about it. When we attack other Jews for their style of Jewish practice or their ideas about G-d and Torah, we are often doing so because it makes us feel better about ourselves. How many times do we see and hear the phrase “real Judaism” being thrown about as though the speaker or writer has a pipeline to G-d? But Jewish tradition settled long ago that it is up to the Jewish community to wrestle with the tradition and and decide (Deuteronomy 30:12, Bava Mezia 59b). How prideful is it to insist that we each, regardless of background, know better than our brothers and sisters, or, G-d forbid, their teachers?

Pride is a dangerous thing. When we think we have all the answers, we literally saw ourselves off from the other rich and varied branches of Judaism. There is not a single community that can’t learn from every single other community, or a single stream that can’t - or shouldn’t - take from others. Diversity of thought and practice have always kept the Jewish people strong, despite our low numbers and our two millennia of landlessness. To assume that the specific interpretation one happened to be born in to, or with which one feels the strongest connection now, is the only one worth merit is to suggest the rest of the Jewish world is without merit. But more importantly, it is to destine yourself to a future of spiritual inbreeding. We should learn to appreciate the strengths and insights of all movements, and not allow our own pride to deprive us from access to the broadest set of lessons possible.

But more than hurting our own growth, Rav Telushkin’s comments imply that engaging in the kind of lashon hara that is the subject of this post is actually pretty seriously sinful. As a Reform or Conservative Jew, you gain nothing by bashing Orthodox Jews as a group, and vice versa. It isn’t like you stole a watch you couldn’t afford, engaging in a sin because you stood to reap a benefit. It’s more like you went and knocked over an elderly person just for the hell of it. It seems to me that saying we’ve done something like this l’shem Shamayim is trying to hide our sin behind G-d, which is complete foolishness.

Here’s a suggestion: Give every Jew (and this includes people you wouldn’t let you kids marry) the benefit of the doubt. We should be in the business of assuming that every person who chooses to live life as a Jew in this world has a couple of really great things going for her: 1) love for the Jewish people and 2) love for Jewish tradition. It’s way easier to just assimilate and forget about it, but lots of people, from Reform to Haredi, have chosen to continue each day living life as a Jew, in connection to some part of our tradition. Let’s try to recognize that at the outset, and not assume by someone’s affiliation that they are out to destroy Judaism or hurt people. How much of the tension between Orthodox and non-Orthodox streams of Judaism has to do with an inability to find commonality, and to recognize our connection to one another? And how much of this could be overcome if we’d quit slandering one another whenever the occasion arose?

Kol tuv,

Yair