Dude! Where’s My Seder?
I read an interesting article in the spring issue of Voices of Conservative/Masorti Judaism titled “A Place at the Table” written by a Jew by choice. She brings up issues that many of us have either encountered or heard of others encountering when it comes to finding a “home” during Pesach. I found the following snippets to be the most compelling and I wish to focus on them in this post.
“During much of the year, a patched-together family of friends functions just as well as a family of blood. Pesah [sic] is different. Of all the Jewish holidays, it is the most home-centered. The home-based ritual of the seder takes center stage; the synagogue services, in contrast, often are poorly attended. … Every year, as I watch my Jewish-by-birth friends flit off to seders … I am reminded of the one thing that is still missing from my Jewish life: a Jewish family.”
”[W]hat makes a convert’s Pesah [sic] difficult is not the quality of the seders she attends but the perennial uncertainty about where and with whom she will spend it. … [F]inding a place at the seder table is supposed to be the easy part – but that’s just not true for converts.”
I find this article to be reflective of my own life as a convert. Even though I personally spend the vast majority of the holidays by myself, at least there is a connection to the synagogue services and less emphasis on family. A Jew by choice is not to be reminded of his/her status as a convert but this also posses a problem since this may not taken into consideration by others when it comes to family-oriented events. I don’t mean to imply that others in the community are so self-centered that they just don’t even make an attempt to include the single convert - rather, it is just a simple realization that is not at the forefront of their minds.
It is difficult enough at times to keep pace with those who grew up in the Jewish world but when it comes to inserting one’s self into the Jewish world as a convert, it can be very difficult. I find it heartening that a fellow convert would write this article and I can only hope that this article will help converts and Jews-by-birth to understand the complexity of choosing to be a Jew-by-choice.
I’m hoping to write...
1) http://www .jewber...
I was raised by my father (always was Jewish) and mother, who is a convert. When my parents got divorced, my mother lost her Jewish family. Even my Dad hasn’t been to a family seder in years because our family is spread pretty thing acorss the country.
And we’ve never had trouble locating a seder, any of us. We have some neighbors that Dad and I have made a minhag out of visiting for second seder. For first, my Mom and I began our own, rather madcap seder, with an ever-expanding group of her and my friends.
I guess I’m not familiar with the problem this author expresses. In my experience, coverts tend to know other converts. I would suggest a whole seder of gerei tzedek!
I love the sound of David’s seder plans, especially starting a regular first seder tradition with his mother. When my husband and I lived in America, we had a group of friends who were converts and ba’alei teshuva (secular-turned-religious) who acted as one another’s "family" at holiday times. Those seders were warm, thoughtful, and definitely "madcap."
I think seders go best with a group, and one of the things I was grateful for when I was a Reform Jew was the communal seder the second night. My first seder was usually a forced affair with my immediate family, who would have been just as glad not to do it at all. But the year I went to shul and sat with friends (and met a few new people) for second seder was one of the greatest of my participatory Jewish life. The rabbi, cantor, and education director were there and walked us through a loosely-organized but really fun evening. It’s ideal to have home-based seders with friends or kind, welcoming strangers, but if you somehow can’t swing either of those, consider attending a communal seder at a synagogue.
For a really low-intensity seder, there are also interfaith seders in some cities. (My in-laws attended one in Buffalo a few years ago.) The idea seems to be that moving from slavery to freedom is a universal experience, and such seders attract attendees from across the interfaith spectrum. That might be an interesting experience, as well.
Thanks for this thoughtful post, Rachel-Esther.
I was born Jewish yet in our family Festivals were never celebrated, luckily in recent years I have
hadfriends who invite me for Seder night. over wise I would find it a very Laney time.