Convert Instantly With Jewish Conversion Spray
Converting to Judaism used to require lengthy lessons and spiritual commitment. But not any more thanks to…
CONVERT TO JUDAISM INSTANTLY SPRAY
Want to convert to Judaism without all the hassle? Now’s your chance with “Convert to Judaism Instantly Spray.” Choosing to become one of the Chosen People is now as simple as opening your mouth and pressing a button. Before you know it, you’ll be craving bagels and understanding Yiddish. (However, you’ll lose all interest in mayonnaise.)
The spray has a refreshing minty taste, and comes packaged as shown on the left. (You can be as happy as the mensch on the label.) See you in synagogue!
Disclaimer: As far as we know, Convert to Judaism Instantly Spray is not recognized by any official Jewish sect, creed, or denomination. We tried to get a Rabbi to endorse the product but had no luck. (Though we did get two nice fountain pens and a recommendation for an accountant.)
If anyone tries it let me know how it works out for you!
I’m hoping to write...
1) http://www .jewber...
Hello! Glad I found this site. I’m the author of the blog “The Reform Shuckle” to which y’all link under Personal J-Blogs as “Observantly Reform Litvak.” I’ll be adding this to my RSS feed now!
Hi David
Sorry I messed up the link to your blog (which was just added this evening) but I will fix it now. Also I’m glad to read that you will be adding us to your rss reader.
Hope to see you around.
Avi,
Too bad this spray wasn’t available to the mediums Harry Houdini sought out after his mother died. In his efforts to communicate with her in “the beyond,” he went to several. They were all exposed as frauds when he would beg his mother to communicate with him in Yiddish.
Thanks for the chuckle.
Is this like Rogaine where multiple treatments are necessary, or will one spray do the trick?
So, would the following be an acceptable guide to usage? (Please don’t take offense, this is good-spirited humor)
3 sprays-Orthodox
2 sprays-Conservative
1 spray-Reform
You don’t believe the can exists, but you have one anyway - Humanist
Having the can and spending time with others who have the same can is what realy counts. Spraying is not necessary. - Reconstructionist
Avi: The “Contact” template isn’t working for me (can’t
for the life of me figure out what the challenge question is,
what it means, what the answer is — sort of like my
spiritual life on bad days), so here’s the msg:
On your “This Months Poll,” pls insert an apostrophe
between the “h” and the “s,” making it possessive, as it
should be.
Also, it’s Self-Identify, not Self-Indentify.
Thanks! Michele
LOL! Sorry Michele thanks for the spell check! I’m not surprised I made the mistake but I can’t believe that, no one mentioned it until now. FYI (encase anyone having quite got this yet) my spelling is atrocious.
I will fix it ASAP!
As for the contact form challenge question it displays for me as 2×11 and the answer is 22.I do receive e-mails via the contact form, so it seems to work most of the time. However your the second person to tell me that there’s a problem using it.
I will look into it and see what I can do.
This always gives me a chuckle. When I started the conversion process one of my friends declared her intent to find this for me and “save you the trouble” until she decided I was already “gestating a Jewish fetus”. She likes to track what trimester my Jewish fetus is in and whether or not I need to wear maternity clothes to accommodate my Jewish fetus. THis had led to a few people thinking I am pregnant and being confused that for a “late second trimester” I’m, um, awfully thin….
(I guess it’d be worse if they patted me on the stomach and asked if the baby was kicking yet…)
You know, they could use this in Israel right now … with all the Russians they want to convert …
-Chavi
Nice!… But maybe they should make “Goy Spray” too,and antidote, so the hapless and minty-fresh convert can retreat from his conversion when it becomes too difficult - when he wants a ham sandwich, when he encounters anti-Semitism, when he gets bored during a particularly long bar mitzvah ceremony. Of course I’m kidding, but it seems like an idea that naturally flows from the joke :)!
Maybe that Aliyah Shliach to South America who was recently arrested in Israel for pushing through people without valid conversions could have used it on his clients, just to make sure :)!
Yair