Avi’s Third Bris…OH MY!
As a Jew, whether by birth or choice, it can be challenging finding your niche in synagogue life. It’s not like Shabbat services allow a whole lot of interaction. Additionally, oftentimes it can be overwhelming to attend synagogue events alone. So, what’s a newly observant or a Jew by choice to do?
One way a Jew, specifically a Jew by choice, can get more connected and involved with their new community is by attending life cycle ceremonies that are done at their synagogue. Obviously you won’t be inviting yourself to somebody’s wedding or anything on that scale; however, there are many many opportunities to participate and contribute in other celebrations. Yes, you may feel awkward going to a celebration of someone else. However, it is a real mitzvah (good deed) to support a member of your community. It also helps to make you seen on a smaller and more unique scale. Additionally, you never know when making a decision to be more involved can lead to a real mitzvah. That is exactly what happened today when Avi and I went to a bris.
The couple of the child that was circumcised are both converts to Judaism. As you can imagine, most of their friends and relatives are therefore not Jewish. Avi and I arrived early and found a seat at a table. We chatted with the people there, learned a little more about the couple as we had actually only met them once at a Young Couples Torah study session. During that session our little group decided we’d like to support the couple in their early weeks as parents by bringing them meals. We’ll do that in the next week or two but in the meantime we thought going to the bris would be a nice show of communal support.
As the ceremony was about to begin, the mohel (specially trained to give circumcisions) was identifying who would be holding the baby during the snipping and who would be holding the cloth with wine while the snipping occurred. The cloth of wine helps the baby sort of “numb up”. Truly it buzzes the child so that it’s not as traumatic of an event. Of course, as tradition seems to be, whoever was involved with the actual ceremony must be a Jew. This mohel, although doing the circumcision on a convert’s baby in a Conservative synagogue still seemed to hold by traditional standards of men being the ones involved in the circumcision ceremony. And so, this is where Avi’s little mitzvah happened.
Avi was one of the three male Jews in the room. The first being the mohel and the second being the Sandek who holds the baby while the bris is being performed. And so, the rabbi calls Avi up to hold a gauze soaked in wine in the baby’s mouth during the ritual. No, Avi wasn’t thrilled at first but what a beautiful mitzvah to be a part of.
And so the moral of the story is, go, be involved, step outside your comfort zone. It’s good. And, who knows, you just might be truly needed and that will enable you to take part in the traditions of the Jewish people. Oh, and for the record, the baby hardly cried, there was little blood, and thankfully nobody fainted.
Hopefully baby, mom, and dad are resting peacefully.
Kol Ha Kavod Avi! What a great opportunity to be involved in such a simcha. And thanks Tamara for writing about this. I really agree with your statement at the end about just jumping in and getting experience with Jewish rituals and life cycle events. Those things are part of the glue that binds us together as a people, and they are so important. My wife and I are expecting our third (and as we have it planned, final) child in June, and I am already looking forward to not only meeting the newest member of our family, but bringing another member to the tribe through a bris and/or naming.
kol tuv,
Yair
Tamara:
You beat me to it!!!!
It was a nice event to attend and I although I was a little too discombobulated at the time to really take it all in, I’m beginning to process it now. I am glad we went and I’m glad I didn’t chicken out when I was asked to step up to the plate, so to speak.
Yashar koach, Avi!! And thank you, Tamara, for telling the tale
Chavi
Hey Yair
I just reread your comment and noticed that you mentioned that, you and your wife are expecting another baby. Congrats!!!! I think that’s wonderful news!
Chavi, thanks!
Hi Avi,
Thanks! We’re excited, and we feel like this time around we are a little more comfortable because we’ve had some experience. (our other kids are 4 and 6 years old). I’ll keep you all posted on things….
kol tuv,
Yair
Hi everyone!
You’re welcome for the post. I think it’s a special thing to participate in rituals and life cycles. One thing I didn’t mention is that another VERY EASY way to connect is to offer, as we did, to make meals for a couple with a new child. Or, you could offer to attend a shiva of a community member. Sometime in the next week or two we’ll be making a meal for a couple we met twice: once at a Torah study and once at the bris where Avi ended up being involved. But still, it’s community, it’s a good deed, it’s easy, and it builds friendships…so it’s good.
Yair. MUCH MAZEL TOV! Very exciting for you!
Thanks Tamara! Yes, we’re excited! BTW, I think it’s good that you pointed out that taking food to people and making a shiva minyan are importance mitzvot. Sometimes the ritual stuff gets all of the attention, but being with people and sharing their simchas and sorrows as a member of their community is really the most important thing… it doesn’t get any more important than that.
kol tuv,
Yair
I thought I would copy and pate (from here) a little about what I found interesting, as a participant at this event. Note the following was originally used to illustrate, how the Orthodox and Non-Orthodox can in fact sometimes set aside their differences, and cooperate for the good of the community.
I watched an Orthodox Rabbi/Mohel perform the old snip, snip on a baby born of two conservative converts at a ceremony led by a Female Rabbi who is herself a JBC. The Mohel even referred to her (the Conservative Rabbi) as “Rabbi” during the ceremony. Add to this that I was one of the few “Jews” at the event and so drafted as the guy who was to feed the baby some wine (presumably because I am a Jew in good standing, at least by conservative standards). I’m not suggesting that I, the parents, the baby, or even the Conservative Rabbi are ever going to count as part of a minyan at the Mohel ‘s shul, but this (IMO) shows that there is indeed room for tolerance on the part of Orthodoxy.
Good points made Avi. Sometimes I think we ask for too much. A good many Orthodox Jews are very open to non-O converts and non-O Judaism, as members of the Kehilla, even if they wouldn’t pray in their shul. Rabbis like the mohel from the bris are examples of what can be right in Orthodoxy, and they make me less likely to automatically reject the idea of some day going through an Orthodox conversion. We’ll see…
kol tuv,
Yair
Thank you for sharing this story. My husband and I just completed an Intro to Judaism class at our temple, and in the last two weeks have been priveleged to share in two life cycle events. The first was a baby-naming ceremony for a little girl. It was very touching to be present and hear the words welcoming this baby into the covenant. When they said Motzi my 2-year-old daughter shouted “We say that at home!”
The second occurred on our last night of class. A woman from our congregation had lost her father a week ago, and was not able to attend the funeral. She did not have Jewish family nearby, and her home is far from our temple, so they held a Shiva service for her and her family at the temple. Our class as well as other congregants gathered to pray, remember her father, and support her family in their grief. It was such a lovely, living example of what we had learned in class about the ways that Jews come together in times of grief.
I worried beforehand that we would be intruders on a private moment, but I saw in this experience how our presence supported a grieving family.
It meant a lot to live these milestones, one joyous, one sad, with members of my congregation.
I am enjoying this blog a great deal. Thank you to all of the contributors.
-Erin