Jan 12 2008
Cross Posted at JewsByChoice.Org
I was thinking about Shabbat and how Avi and I celebrate this special day of the week. Sometimes I wonder how my readers or other couples with no kids honor the Sabbath. We find it very important to embrace Judaism as much as we can; but especially on Shabbat. We both love this day and connect with it, although we connect with it in different ways. I think many converts connect differently to Judaism than Jews by Birth simply because of how each comes around to Judaism. This is something Avi and I have discussed a lot since we met. Actually, it’s a post in and of itself. Having different connections to Shabbat is a beautiful experience because we both have something to share with and offer each other as far as our connections to Judaism.
So, how do WE do Shabbat?
We don’t usually go to synagogue on Friday nights but prefer to have a guest over for a nice dinner, conversation, and a fun Jewish board game “Apples to Apples”. We haven’t done this lately though. Another ideal Friday night that we both love is walking, 45 minutes, to our friend’s home for an AMAZING Tunisian style Shabbat meal. We like the walk. We love the company. Avi loves the chicken! 
Sometimes we’ll walk 15 minutes to the local Chabad rabbi’s home, we’re friends with them even if we don’t subscribe to all the same beliefs. The dinner is nice, if you don’t mind five active kids running around (and a newborn). When Shabbat comes in early it can make for a long Friday evening with just two people so we really work at having things to do or people over.
Saturdays we tend to do the same thing. We wake up, have a nice breakfast, and go to synagogue to a wonderful minyan that has no microphone or instruments, is small, with the bima the same height as the congregation. The style is user friendly, warm, communal, and has great Carlbach style singing. Sometimes we’ll opt to walk to the closest Conservative synagogue which has a great little community, is only a 20 minute walk, but…is a bit too right wing for us. Not to mention, they don’t have any programs EXCEPT for the Saturday services.
This week we did Shabbat quite different than other weeks. This week we went to Friday night services and then to a community dinner afterwards. We had a nice time, oh and Avi loved the chicken . We met some new people who, after playing Jewish geography, have mutual friends. Saturday we decided to sleep in, relax, and do some reading. Then we took a walk to the Chabad rabbi’s home and visited for a bit and then took a leisurely walk home. Then, at 4pm, we went to synagogue for Mincha, Maariv, Havdalah and Torah study. This was a nice change for us and all in all we had a great Shabbat.
Technorati tags: Observance, Shabbat, Sabbath, Jewish for Two
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Well, for me “doing Shabbat” is an individual endeavor. I live in an area that is about 20 minutes drive from the only Conservative shul in my county and AFAIK there are no Jews who live within walking distance of my home. [I hate driving on Shabbat but I cannot afford to move any closer to the shul.]
The usual Shabbat for me is to light candles on Friday night, daven, and study Torah and/or Talmud. Sometimes I also read other Jewish books - both non-fiction and fiction. On Saturday, I try to make it to shul for the morning service and Torah study. If I stay home, I daven Shachrit, Minchah, and Maariv and I read or study Jewish topics. I end the Shabbat with Havdalah.
Hi Tamara, nice post! I don’t really have much to add because you did a bang up job describing us.
To R-E
Coming from a city with “relatively” limited Jewish opportunities, I totally understand where you are coming from. Having said that, you seem to be doing a great job of making the sabbath special. In fact I would say that, you probably are doing a much better job than lot’s of Jews here in LA.
A very nice post. I think you’re in Los Angeles, as we are, and I’m trying to imagine which side of town or which side of the canyon you’re on!
I’m in the Valley sandwiched between the smallest of Conservative shuls and a Chabad. We like both Rabbis but honestly now we go to the Conservative shul almost exclusively. I did a Conserv. conversion…you know. They’re nice at the Chabad, but when push comes to shove they don’t accept my conversion.
Friday night we collapse for a few minutes before kiddush. We used to get ourselves invited as guests when we lived in another part of town, but now we have a lovely toddler who is done for after six at night. Each week we try to find a drash we like online; Rabbi Wein, Partners in Torah, the UCJ. It’s nice to share a little Torah at the table.
On Shabbos mornings we get up and go to shul late, just after the Torah service has started. We like to stay for a light kiddush lunch and chatting with a few acquaintances. We’re one of maybe three families who don’t drive, and one of those is the Rabbi. It can be such a drag, being one of the few. And we don’t pass many frum folks in our little corner of the Valley.
In spite of having had cholent at shul, there’s always a lunch and kiddush here at home. It varies week to week, from meatballs and potato kugel to a light dairy lunch with Israeli salatim. Always napping and reading. Lately it’s been of the secular recreational type, but occasionally my husband or I bust out something more Judacially natured. The Shulchan Aruch! Halachot of Shabbos! And then, havdalah. I can’t believe how quickly Shabbat goes in the winter, and how, I’m ashamed to say, interminable it seems in high summer. But I just couldn’t survive without it.
Thanks for your post.
Well, typically I do Shabbat by going to shul, eating some dinner, sleeping in, studying, and just going about my day as such. It’s typically very quiet, very calm, very relaxing.
But as you know, from my video post, this weekend I didn’t … http://mamaloshen.blogspot.com
Hi everyone!
I’m falling over the fact that one of my posts has comments. Yippee!
Rachel-Esther: What Avi said…I think the fact that you daven the morning service is phenomenal. It’s not something I can even do on my own. Or, let me correct myself, I haven’t even tried davening a service at home. However, I did just by a personal sized siddur Sim Shalom so now I can mark it up, make notes, and begin learning it better. In shul I follow along just fine and even do Aliyot now and again.
Avi: Thanks babe.
Kirbyloz: Hi there. First, thanks for reading and commenting. You’re a new “face” to me so that’s always fun. Plus I think we live fairly close too…unfortunately not walking distance. We live on the Hollywood side of the canyon. I don’t know the “smallest of Conservative shuls” so I’m not sure what part you’re in. Avi and I understand not wanting to drive on Shabbat. I don’t think it’s a horrible thing to do if it’s to go to shul or somewhere for Shabbos dinner. However, Avi really prefers not to which I fully understand and agree with mostly.
I’m not sure how old you are, or how far you are, but if we are in the same age range, we’re always looking for new Jewish friends to hang out with, get to know, etc. It’s hard meeting couples in their 30’s so if that’s you, we should chat.
Again, thanks for commenting.
Chaviva: Calm, quiet and relaxing sounds like a great Shabbat to me
Avi and Tamara — Thanks for the encouraging words.
Nice post! I am new to Judaism — learning, but not converted –
and am seeing and wondering about the Friday v. Saturday service observance. Some (reform) congregations have
early Friday service, others have later, some mix it up depending on the week of the month. When it comes to Saturday,
some congregations quite nicely integrate a bar/bat mitzvah
into the service. And, as a newcomer, while this is nice and I appreciate the importance of giving the ceremony this importance, at one congregation it could be April before there might be (if then) a “regular” Saturday service. And I’d like to experience them all. I’ve started printing out the URJ Torah portion commentary of the week. No candles or challah - yet. But I’m set to take the SFJCC class on challah baking when it comes up this spring. My boyfriend, who was born Jewish but never observant (he’s learning,too) is with me on the learning track and we’re both finding lots of joy.
R-E:
You are welcome but i was just IMO pointing out the obvious!
SFMichele:
Welcome to the blog! I’m (I think) on the same page when it comes to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I think they are important but I don’t do well when the Saturday morning services, seem to continually revolve around them. But hey, thats just me. I know some people love them. Fortunately, for us the Shul we attend uslally has between 3-5 different Saturday morning services we can choose from. So there is always a way to avoid Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s, should we want to.
Good luck with the learning and please feel free to comment and ask questions here on our blog, whenever you like. That is after all what its for.
It’s great to see how other people do Shabbat! Thanks for the post.
I begin Shabbat at services Friday night at my temple; I don’t usually light candles because I don’t want to leave them burning and I don’t want to blow them out before I leave. But, when I am staying home on a Friday night, I do.
Services go for about an hour and then I usually stick around for 30 minutes to an hour after during the oneg, chatting with friends and my rabbi.
Saturday morning I go to Torah study at my temple, which usually has a core of 5 or 6 of us plus anyone else who has rolled out of bed that morning. Then an informal morning service that includes a Torah reading even when we don’t have a minyan (which we rarely do at the moment).
Depending on the Saturday I may or may not have a Hebrew lesson with my rabbi. Either way, afterwards I head home, have lunch and either take a nap or read. I do run errands on Saturday, but I try to keep them to the more pleasant ones. I’ll go to a bookstore or to a coffee shop to hang out and read and/or write in my journal. Sometimes I’ll go to a movie or watch one at home. I also try to use the time to either catch up with my best friend on the phone or plan out my 4th grade Hebrew lesson for the next morning.
Currently I don’t do Havdalah, but I’d like to get into the habit of it.
Quick second thought: I was thinking a bit more about Shabbat
and its observance early this morning. In particular, I recalled
some very sweet memories of similar religious weekend days — but Sundays — from my Catholic girlhood. We four kids and mom and dad would all go to church on Sunday, every Sunday, of course, as good Catholics (this was during the 1960s and 1970s). Once home there was breakfast and my dad would put a huge
stack of 33 rpm classic music albums on the hi-fi. While they played for hours and hours, we’d finish breakfast and then sit and read the big, fat Sunday newspapers (plural in our house!).
We’d move on to play outside (depending on the weather) and Mom would cook a huge and wonderful dinner. Sometimes relatives would come over for the day, which was very special. In the afternoon, there’d usually be a house full of nappers as everyone found a comfy spot to lounge. Once up again, mom broke out some kind of treat and we’d be off to play again. Not every Catholic household probably had this routine, but now, as I become more familiar with Shabbos, I realize what a dear gift my mom and dad gave all of us in elevating a day to leisure and faith.
I have to admit that I’m not the best at observing Shabbat. I attend the Friday night service at our Reform temple, and stay for the oneg afterward. I very much enjoy that time to talk about Jewish issues with others, and feel more connected with a community. We have a wonderful Rabbi who stays for hours after the service for coffee and conversation.
I do my best to observe a day of rest and awareness, but often the closest I come to that is turning off the computer. It’s wonderful to hear how all of you are celebrating the Sabbath, and certainly gives me motivation to become more observant myself.
Jenny:
I hear you regarding the candles but there are some (albeit imperfect ones)workarounds if you are looking for a way to incorporate candle lighting as a more regular part of your Shabbat observance. Tamara and I also feel uncomfortable with leaving lit candles on at home, when we know we are going out, especially with a cat in the house.
Anyhow, here are our workarounds.
First you could try switching to the candles that start of solid but quickly turn into liquid. Basically they are little stubby (not to be confused with hot plate candles) white candles that sit an little glass cups which are designed to work with most types of Shabbat candle holders. There are two advantages IMO to going this way. One is that the candles are very well protected from wind and (two) should they be knocked over the liquidized wax will/should blow put out the flame. We think the are much safer than the other kind.
The other thing you could do, is before you go out, just is move the lit candles to someplace safer like a kitchen sink or the bathtub. I know technically one shouldn’t really move the candles once they are lit, but we think doing this is better than not lighting them at all.
Thats basically what we do.
SFMichele:
Wow… Sounds to me like you had a lovely Sabbath day growing up and you can count me as one of those Catholics, who wasn’t raised with that experience. Also it sounds to me like you’ve a nice foundation of past experience to draw on, in terms for embracing you’re Jewish Shabbos Observance.
Enjoy it.
SF Michelle: Thanks for commenting. Even though the whole Bar Mitzvah thing, especially at the shul we used to go to which is like a Bar Mitzvah factory, can be a big “show”. I have to say I don’t mind them at all. Sure they add a little more time, but they are beautiful. It’s amazing to see so many young people moving into grown up Judaism. And I don’t think there has been a time when I didn’t tear up when the parents say their speeches. There are some very beautiful things about them and in Conservative shuls we read the Torah portion anyway so that goes by about as fast as the rest. Oh, and the best part? Throwing candy at the end
Jenny: I can relate to your Shabbats. Before Avi moved to the states I would go to shul only sometimes on Saturdays. Then I’d sometimes run errands, or do fun things. If it makes you feel any better, and I’m working on assumption here, but doing Shabbat alone at home is VERY difficult. It really helps to have people to be with and DO Shabbat things with. We recently bought some Shabbat appropriate board games to help us when Shabbat is long.
Rikva: We all do what works best for us where we are at the time. Many people believe that the main goal is to keep moving up the ladder. Do I believe the ladder has an end goal? No, not really. I just think that each of us are at different places and as long as we’re connecting and growing, that’s what matters most. Good luck on your journey and keep visiting.
Before my conversion, Shabbat observance was one of the greatest challenges. I couldn’t imagine not doing the things I did during the week, or not cooking on Saturdays. Moving from non-observance to total observance took years to absorb, both physically and spiritually.
I remember fondly my earliest days, though, when my friends and I would get together on Shabbat afternoons (some having gone to shul, some not, but all having had a nice lunch together) and talking, laughing, snacking, and playing games. (Games requiring score-keeping can still be played–grab a thick book and use a bookmark to keep track of your score.) Long walks were also popular (out to the edge of town in Arad, a small town in the Negev where we lived).
The most important part of Shabbat for me then–and now–is being with other people. I see Shabbat as serving two key purposes: to give you the opportunity (or force you, whichever way you look at it) to sit back and appreciate your and Hashem’s creation (one of the reasons for not cooking); and to spend time with other people, which is what helps create and keep alive a Jewish community, both in Israel and in the Diaspora.
Now Shabbat is both rest and socializing for us. Rest because we go to bed right after the kids and either read aloud to each other (we got through all 7 Harry Potters that way) or crash right away. And socializing because we both work from home, and our main chance to see people and catch up is at shul, on the playground (right next to shul), or at meals. On Shabbat afternoons I attend a weekly shiur given by an incredible woman Torah scholar and a close-knit group of women who have learned with her for 12 years. It took a long time to get here, but it’s well worth the sore feet!
Hi all,
I thought all of the different takes on Shabbat were very interesting, thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences. I live in a relatively rural area, my shul, which is a 30 minute drive from my house, is the only one with a rabbi in a 150 mile radius. So about half of the time my entire Shabbat is spent at home with my wife and two children. We light candles and I say the blessings over my kids, we sing, eat, and spend time together. If I stay home on Saturday morning I daven and then we spend time outside (hiking in the woods whenever possible), reading, playing games, and stuff like that. The other half of Saturdays I drive in for services where we typically have 30-35 people (more go on Friday nights). I am a gabbai, and I also do some of the Torah leyning, so I try to go as often as I can. When I go in we have Torah study, then prayers and the Torah service, then a nice leisurely lunch while we talk, sing, and just hang out. I then return home (most often my kids come in too), and we then might take a little Shabbos Schlaf or go for a walk.
Recently a core group of us from shul (and associated kids and/or spouses) have begun a once per month Shabbat dinner thing where we take turns hosting, divide up the menu, and just spend an evening eating, singing, studying, talking, praying, and being together in someone’s home. It’s a wonderful time, and I am really glad we started doing it.
Shabbat Shalom!
Yair
WOWEE!!!
I truly did not expect this many responses to this post. Not by a long shot. There is at least one other comment on the same post which I cross posted on my personal blog.
I want to thank you all for taking time to read, and to share your stories. I think a great blog project or book project would be simply to gather Shabbat stories and publish them in a compilation. I think it gives a beautiful picture, a tapestry if you will, of how diverse and unique Judaism can be.
Again, thank you all for sharing. Perhaps a little “How We Do Shabbat” blog is on it’s way. It would be fun to have all of you and tons of new folks send their Shabbat stories to me and I post them…what do you all think?
Shalom everyone! I enjoyed hearing about your Shabbatot (Shabbats). First I wanted to share that I stumbled across a new site off the URJ (Union for Reform Judaism) webpage where people can share their Shabbat experiences: http://urj.org/shabbat/tellus/
Also, I have a piece about Shabbat at http://zahavalaska.blogspot.com/2007/12/shabbat-bridge-oazis-refuge.html
Beyond this, my Shabbat is currently evolving because in the 9 months I’ve been in Alaska, I am still not “settled” in a Shabbat routine as I had been back in Pittsburgh, where I went to the same shul for Friday PM and Saturday AM services almost every week (with a small amount of ’shul-shoppin’ to keep things interesting). Here, I lead 2 small Kabbalat Shabbat programs for kids, hang around in the empty synagogue, and, always (unless I am sick, like I was this week) go to the evening service. The morning, which used to be very solid for me, is now a question. It’s a half hour walk. Sometimes someone has offered me a ride, but usually not. Often I just want to sleep, but doing that I feel like I am missing out on something special. If I do go to Torah study and services, though, I absolutely CRASH in the afternnon and sleep away all the sunlight!