Me and Christmas
Avi and Tamara invited me to cross-post and guest-post, so here I am crossing and guesting from Accidentally Jewish.
All right, fine, I’ll admit it. This was a harder-than-expected Christmas for me. I got teary eyed during Will Farrell’s Elf. I got choked up watching Beauty and the Beast. I didn’t mind the Christmas Carols so much. I made the Christmas Tree. I made ornaments. I wrapped presents with no care about the significance of the color paper. I accepted a stocking and filled stockings. I helped my nephew believe in Santa.
I haven’t seen a lot of other converts writing about it this year and I’ve never had such a “heart strings used as banjo” Christmas since becoming a Jew. I think it is okay to admit that Christmas is challenging, even for the converts that are good Jews.
This was the first year that my nephew understood what was going on, he’s nearly 3 now. He knows about (and believes in) Santa. He sings Christmas Carols and watches Christmas movies and it is fun. Man, Christmas is fun with kids around. We haven’t had a kinderchristmas experience in a long time.
So there is something hard about realizing that if I have kids, they’ll never have Santa or the magic of Christmas morning. Yes, I know, it’s just one day. Or one day and a couple weeks of suspense leading up to it. Or one day a year over the course of a lifetime that adds up to fond memories.
I love the way my family has morphed Christmas over the last few years. The first of this kind was when I lived in London, so I missed it. The next was just a couple weeks after my sister had moved into the new house, a week after my Grandma’s funeral, and a few weeks before Henry was born. Oh and the day I finished telling the family I was converting. It was a nice respite from the painful holiday season leading up to Christmas and felt like a family-only baby shower.
Last year it overlapped with Hanukah, I think, so I took my menorah and lit it on the table after dinner. Henry was just about to turn 2, so he didn’t “get it” yet. Why all the fuss? But this year, he gets it and I get it. I won’t stop going to be with my family for Christmas and really, just like everyone else says, it is a secular holiday for us. An official reason to have dinner together, give presents, and treat Henry to new traditions.
It’ll morph again if I ever have kids. We’ll have to figure out how to include them without making it their holiday. It seems so much easier in the Jew Classes. It was so much easier before I saw how magical Christmas is to an almost 3-year old.
And I’ve never been around a Jewish family to see how kids learn and grow into Jewish holidays, so I don’t have that to even the spectrum out. I’ve never seen a 6 year old ask the four questions or a group of kids play driedel.
Maybe that needs to become a part of mentoring converts after mikvah. Helping us see the magic in Judaism through children’s eyes. Cause I get why it’s amazing through adult eyes, but what is the Christmas morning of being a Jew?
I’ll tell you right now, I’ll delete any mean comments and I get to define mean. I’m not interested in debating Christmas and Jews, history of persecution, nichtal nacht or any of it. Not right now, so don’t bring it up.
I am and will always be in an interfaith family. Mine. And I have to admit that I may never have a Jewish family of my own beyond the family I cobble together from friends and congregants and bloggers.
What are your magical childhood memories of growing up Jewish?
If you want to know more about me and my conversion, the linkalicious story is on my blog in Best of Becoming a Jew.
I just wanted to thank you for this post. As a JewByChoice (sort of), I have a husband who isn’t and four children who are, at best, confused. How’s that for a nutty sentence?
He likes to celebrate Christmas and he did the decorating & shopping for this year.
The kids enjoy it.
But right now, my 12.5yr old boy is listening to the LeeVees in his room and singing about Hanukkah.
It is very hard. My kids are being raised Christian (as per my agreement with their -ugh- father.). They wanted me to ENJOY Christmas and went to great lengths. For me it was a reminder of what a family oriented religion Judaism is and how alone I feel in it… although feeling & being alone is not new to me at all!
It was also hard on the kids because since our initial separation and thru the divorce, their father has become a raving anti-Semite calling me “not a real Jew” and “not a good enough Jew” in front of them.
Ho Ho Ho was very much Oy Oy Oy
Since you posted here, I thought I’d cross post my comment for our readers who don’t make it back to your page.
Leah,
I think this is a great post with important issues being addressed. I think those moments that you describe come throughout the year. Think about it. The non-Jewish world has a few large family events a year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc). Jews on the other hand have a special family day each week, Shabbat.
Perhaps I never looked at it this way but I am lucky to have seen the excitement and joy in children’s faces when they are getting ready for Shabbat. Putting on their nice Shabbat clothes, lighting candles with their moms. I’ve seen the excitement in children’s eyes when this Chanukah 9 of my nieces and nephews lit menorahs at the same time (and my family is FAR from observant). The excitement a child experiences in preparation of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Personally, I LOVED reciting the four questions. I was the youngest in my family until my siblings started having their own children.
In Judaism, I think our culture and ways are so rich that you must look regularly for those Christmas morning moments. We have so many of them and something that is different for us too is that each exciting holiday and celebration has a significance that we reenact with a meal, a seder, a prayer. I think Christmas is exciting for most kids for perhaps not the best reasons. They are excited for Santa and what Santa BRINGS. They are excited for gifts. I get that, but I think what you are looking for in Judaism is there often and you will find it. And when you do, it is beautiful.
As you know I’m far from a Chabadnik, however, I really suggest you calling a CHabad in your neighborhood, and simply tell them you would like to experience a traditional Shabbat. Chabad is all about outreach and the rabbi will surely invite you over. It’s a beautiful experience and you’ll see, the children do love it.
Thank you for a beautiful thought provoking post. And an early Shabbat Shalom to you.
Thank you so much for posting this, Leah! I have been struggling quite a bit with Christmas this year, and it was a surprise for me. Immediately after Thanksgiving, when everything “Christmas” goes into high gear, I was doing well. Of course there was Hanukkah to focus on, and my children and I were reading Hanukkah-themed books, playing dreidel, and I was working on my Hebrew homework. My daughter and I had a wonderful time at the Hanukkah dinner and Shabbat service on the 4th night, and we continued with the candles through the 8 nights. One night was spent with friends, one of whom is Jewish, and that was a special experience, to share the blessings together.
After Hanukkah, however, there was a post-holiday lull, and Christmas came back full-force. The children were focused on Santa, Rudolph, and the nativity set. Interestingly, the family dinners we attended weren’t “Christian” in nature other than two at which the blessing was said. Otherwise, they were completely secular. I nearly laughed when I realized that my pious, “you’re going to hell” Baptist sister-in-law was hosting a Christmas party without a Christ to be found!
It is difficult not to have the Jewish memories to see me through the Christian holidays, from which I *do* have many loving memories stored up. It is also difficult to wonder if I’m doing the right thing in introducing my children to two different faith practices. I’d love to hear someone’s thoughts on that in another blog (hint, hint).
Thanks again for saying what I’ve been feeling these past weeks. I’ve been weighed down by a yearning for an easier, less confused path. But that wouldn’t do justice to anyone’s life.
This post is very nice, Leah, and I’m sort of struggling with how to respond. I think what Tamara said hits it on the head, for the most part. For me, I guess I don’t really think about Christmas as a big of production as some people do, taking into account that it’s so blown out of proportion. I guess I have a lot of religious, Christian friends who stick to the “meaning of the season” and despite that my family and friends all celebrate Christmas and send me the cards with santas and reindeer and christmas trees and Jesus, I’ve somehow become comfortable in not celebrating Christmas. Perhaps it is that the past two years I’ve spent the holidays alone or at work or with other Jews. And maybe that’s what it would take, a holiday season away from Christmas-toting family. It seems unfair, I guess, but it’s just a thought.
I think I’m going to have to examine how I got so comfortable with not celebrating Christmas, because believe me — growing up, I LOVED Christmas. This holiday season with the lights and the snow is the most beautiful time of the year, in my eyes. But somehow I made it work. I’ll have to review myself and let you know what I think!
Also, I noticed no men-folk have responded. How interesting
Happy 2008 to you, Leah!
Chavi
I came to this post from Leah’s blog, and then saw Chavi’s comment - so figured I’d comment.
As someone born Jewish, raised Jewish and will die Jewish - and will raise his children Jewish, even if that means a mikvah bath for each one of them if the Mother isn’t Jewish - it’s just that. I am Jewish, and I expect my kids will be too.
And, growing up in a Jewish neighborhood and going to Solomon Schecter schools growing up, the Santa question never came up much. We knew it was not for us, but for them - and that seemed to be enough.
I wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to make nice comments and not beating me up for admitting that Christmas is challenging, even for (I’d like to think) good Jews.
I’m glad that it resonated for some people and really appreciate the insight from others. If nothing else, this Christmas showed me that the “December Dilemma” programming and discussions for interfaith or even intrafaith families are important. And I hope some of you saw that you aren’t alone and maybe next year we can talk about it before heartstrings are tugged, eh?