JewsByChoice.Org

Before I move on to my post I just wanted to mention that, although  I know it may seem like things have been rather dead here at JBC.org. I’ve been busy behind the scenes working on several new features.  So expect to see some interesting changes over the next month. I suspect that most of you will really enjoy the new changes coming, but it’s still a little too soon, to let the cat out of the bag just yet.

Anyhow, now on with the post!

Today was a Jewishly great day!  And that’s even despite the fact, that I had to get into the dreaded car (something I really don’t like doing at all on Shabbat) to drive to shul. Things were great from the get go, as we attended morning services and a learner’s minion at our (new) favorite Jewish synagogue, Temple Beth Am here in Los Angeles.  It is one serious conservative community that always has several different minions on the go any Saturday morning.  It’s where serious daveners seem to go.  That’s not to say that I’m great at prayer but I’m certainly trying to get more serious about davening. This shul is definitely a great venue for young couples and singles between the ages of 20 and 40. One’s who are serious about study, prayer and observance.  It’s certainly not what I would call, your typical suburban (laissez-faire) conservative shul, because it’s a truly engaged (Jewish) space.  

Anyhow this post really isn’t about Beth Am but going there led to an interesting and unplanned for afternoon, so I thought I’d mention it.

Today on our way home from shul we stopped off last minute to visit some of Tamara’s friends and the following is about what happened when we got there.

We spent the afternoon with two young Orthodox couples and a handful of children. One of the couples Tamara has been friends with for years and has actually known the husband since high school.  Suffice it to say that they are longtime friends, who although I wouldn’t necessarily call close, are certainly good friends, to Tamara.  This couple is quite interesting.  The wife was raised Orthodox and is in fact the daughter of a very prominent Sephardic rabbi, who lives in Israel.  The husband (who as I’ve mentioned Tamara has known since high school) is actually a Baal Teshuva (BT) who was raised in a secular socialist family environment, but became increasingly observant starting in his early 20s.  This couple are quite nice and genuine.  One thing I truly respect about these people is that, even though they both know that I’m, a non-Orthodox convert, they treat Tamara and I as serious Jews. In fact D (the husband) actually told me today, that as far as he’s concerned I’m 100% Jewish.  He went on to claim that I am, just like him (I’m guessing he meant Orthodox) but can’t admit it to myself because I’m still holding on to some liberal ideals. One’s, I just can’t seem to let go of, according to him.  The other couple are from Venezuela, are also both BT’s. Very nice people as well!

Early on in the afternoon the husband guy from Venezuela mentioned to me (note: he at that point did not know that I was a non-Orthodox convert) that he thought I was much more Jewish than Canadian.  I kind of laughed and said well “that’s interesting” and then added ” I suppose that depends who you ask”.  This was actually the second time Tamara and I were meeting the couple from Venezuela as we had run into them a week earlier, while attending a Friday night dinner at a local Chabad rabbis home. All of that to say, that this Venezuelan guy had seen me a couple of times and based on the way I looked, he just assumed that I was Frum.  To be honest it’s an easy mistake to make because I do look rather Orthodox, with my bushy beard, dangling Tzitzit and knitted Kippah.

At some point further into the afternoon, the topic swung around to why we identify as ” Conservative” and not Orthodox. Both Tamara and I talked about how although we like tradition we also have social views that (for better or worse) place us outside of the Orthodox world.  I’m not sure exactly when it happened but Tamara mentioned that I was a non-Orthodox convert and that was one of the reasons why we didn’t participate in an Orthodox community.  I think the Venezuelan couple were more surprised and curious about why I converted the way I did than anything else. The conversation got a little loud but it was pleasant and I don’t think anyone on either side of the debate took offense to what was being said. 

I am forever fascinated by the disconnect that seems to happen when ever I meet Orthodox people.  They just can’t understand how/why someone as observant as myself won’t just “go all the way”, and complete an Orthodox conversion.  For them, anything outside of orthodoxy just equals watered-down Judaism and they don’t seem to get that someone can want to be observant, but not Orthodox.

To be honest from a certain point a few what they’re saying make sense.  I mean if my Judaism, in practice, is much more similar to that of Orthodox Jews, than that of conservative or Reform, why not just take the plunge?  I’ll admit its something I think about all the time and it’s an issue I tend to flip-flop on.  Sometimes I think to myself, yes I need to do an Orthodox conversion and other times, it seems like a really bad idea to me. 

Today I realized (or maybe just remembered) a couple of things about myself.  First is that I feel, way more at home, hanging out with observant Jews (which more times than not, means Orthodox Jews) than I do hanging out with those, who are less or not observe at at all.  The second thing, which actually, I already knew, is that my theology and sense of social justice are light-years away from the typical Orthodox Jews worldview. So although I certainly, walk and quack like an Orthodox duck, I don’t think like one!  Sure in terms of my outward observance and practice, I, in many ways, resemble an Orthodox Jew, but the why’s behind much of it, place me in a completely different world.

The following are several key points which came up during our discussion today, which only serve to reinforce, the idea that although I’m strongly attracted to orthodoxy, in terms of daily observance, I’m nowhere near being ready to pursue an Orthodox conversion.  

• Although I respect the distinct roles that men and women play in life I flat out reject the assertion that a woman who chooses to become a rabbi is somehow negligent of her other roles and duties, whatever they may be.
• Also although I accept that women are exempt from time bound Mitzvot I refuse to interpret that as being the same thing as prohibited from fulfilling these Mitzvot, should they choose to take them on.
• Although I’m not necessarily comfortable with the idea of same-sex relationships and/or marriages.  I’m willing to admit these attitudes are rooted in my own misconceptions/bigotry and I’m not prepared to project them on to G-D. Said another way, if I’m going to be having dinner at someone’s home I want my biggest “religious”concern to be, whether or not they keep kosher, not whether or not they are in a gay or lesbian relationship.
• Although I think it’s fine to have segregated (male and female) seating in the synagogue, if that’s what the community wants it’s not for me.  I do not feel spiritually distracted or sexually aroused if women are sitting next to me and in fact believe that my Sabbath experience is enhanced when I’m able to sit and pray with my wife by my side.
• Although I consider myself to be bound by Halacha and the Mitzvot, I do not view them as divine (spelled out) commandments from G-D. Rather I understand them as the sacred language which has evolved as the result of an ongoing interaction between the Jewish people and G-d.  I also see them as a form of social contract between Jews around the world, which helps to keep us is a unique and connected people.
• Although I fully accept the divine origins of the Torah, I believe that it is a document which evolved over time with many authors contributing to it and not the revealed word of God as dictated by some voice on Sinai to Moses.

I can recognize the weaknesses of non-Orthodox conversions and even non-Orthodox streams of Judaism. But I don’t view them as  illegitimate or invalid expressions of the Jewish religion or our peoplehood.  Also I recognize that halachickly in several ways my conversion falls short of the Orthodox standard and I can even accept that I won’t be counted as part of a minyan at an Orthodox synagogue.  Having said that I do not accept that the Orthodox have a proprietary claim to what is or is not Judaism, outside of their synagogues or religious communities.  So although I’m willing to tolerate and accommodate their views I’m certainly not prepared to allow them to define me or limit my access to the broader Jewish community and/or Israel.

I jokingly said to one of the Orthodox husbands today that there’s no way I could ever do an Orthodox conversion right now.  I mean I would have to get into and graduate from a conservative rabbinical school before ever consider making, such a move. And that’s just because I’m not the kind of guy who ever does things the easy way!  Nope, I think I’m going to stay right where I am, for the time being and see how far I can take things, without needing to crossover.

Oh and yes Steg, I can just imagine what you’re thinking!

Be well